How do I plan a funeral?

A Message for the Family

We, the community of St. Justin Martyr Church, are saddened by the passing away of your loved one.  We are confident, however, that through our prayers and through the liturgy of the church, God will give us the strength and the courage to help us overcome this difficult time in your life.

At a recent funeral we heard these phrases of a favourite passage from the Bible: “There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.  A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to love, and a time to hate” (Eccl 3:1-11).

In the past you have loved others, comforted them and shared their losses.  During the hours ahead it will be your turn, your time to be loved, to be comforted and to let others share your grief. 

The Catholic liturgy always provides courage and comfort for those mourning the death of the one they loved.  It has been our experience that the more the family, relatives and friends actively plan and participate in the ceremony itself, the deeper will be the consolation and strength they experience.

A booklet has been designed to facilitate such active involvement in preparing for and taking part in the Funeral Mass of Christian Burial.  We suggest that you pick up the booklet at the parish office and read through the various prayers, scriptural passages and other options available, selecting the one from each category that best expresses your sentiments at this time.  We also encourage you to pick your (or your beloved one’s) favourite hymns to be sung during the Funeral Mass.

When you have finished the selection process, complete the form provided and present it to your parish priest no later than the night before the liturgy.

Christians find bright rays of hope in the midst of their many tears.  We believe that death is not an end, but a beginning; that a beloved one has passed through death from this present, temporary life to a perfect, permanent one; that he or she who saw God in faith on earth, now sees the Lord face to face in heaven; that while death separates us now, it is but for a time only.  Soon we will be reunited, as God tells us in the Bible, with those we love in a “dwelling provided for us by God, a dwelling in the heavens, not made by hands but to last forever” (2Cor 5:1).

The Funeral Mass especially expresses this faith in Jesus’ victory over death and our personal share in that resurrection.  It does so through prayers and blessings, through songs and readings, through ceremonies and symbols. A few words on some of these may make the liturgy in church more understandable and more consoling.

1)  The color of the priest’s vestments: We normally associate the color white with Easter, weddings, baptisms and other events of joy, happiness and victory.  Since we are not merely grieving over a loved one’s loss, but celebrating his or her entrance through death into life forever, the clergy generally wear white vestments instead of black or purple.

2)  Music:  More than anything else in worship, music affects our feelings and the atmosphere in which we pray.  It expresses well our inner thoughts.  Rather than the customary funeral melodies, which tend to be heavy and sad, the hymns and songs are light and joyful.  Easter tunes, which speak of the Lord’s resurrection, are particularly appropriate.

3)  Passages from the bible: Among the many resources open to you in the funeral liturgy is a list of more than 70 scriptural readings.  You may select three: one from the Old Testament, one from the New Testament and one from the Gospels.

4)  The Easter of paschal candle: For 50 days after Easter the large paschal candle stands in the sanctuary.  It symbolizes the risen Christ and tells us he has conquered sin and death and now lives in our midst.  In the revised Catholic funeral service we placed it before the casket as a reminder that the deceased, through his or her death, shares in that victory of Jesus over the power of darkness.

5)  Sprinkling of the casket: We first share in the resurrection of the Lord through baptism.  At the font, saving waters poured over our bodies made us Christians; in the process, our whole beings were made new creations filled with the Holy Spirit.  When the priest sprinkles holy water over the casket during the service it should serve to recall that initial washing in baptism.  It is this which gives us the basis for hope in the personal rising of loved ones to life forever.

6)  Incensing of the body: As Christians we believe the body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and one day will be resurrected by God’s mighty power.  During the Funeral Mass, the priest walks around the casket and incenses the body as a sign of our respect for the remains, as a symbol of the community’s prayers for the deceased rising to the throne of God, and as a final farewell or commendation of this departed one to God.

7)  Personalized memorial cards and participation booklets: If you have the time and the desire, you may wish to prepare more individualized memorial cards to be handed out at the Mass and even leaflets to help people participate during the service.  This takes some time and effort, but the priest and funeral director certainly can assist you here.

8)  Presentation of Gifts: The church encourages family members or friends at the Funeral Mass to bring to the altar the bread and wine.

9)  Holy Communion: This is the most perfect way to share in the Funeral Mass.  The church encourages you and those present to do so.  In some cases, there are family members and/or guests who are Christians but not Roman Catholic.  In such cases, the church invites the non-Catholic members to come forward and receive a blessing from the presiding priest, instead of the Eucharist.  Although we are all Christians, we unfortunately are still not in full communion with one another, which the reception of Eucharist symbolizes.

10) Placing of the pall: A funeral pall, reminding us of the garment given at baptism and therefore symbolizing our life in Christ, is draped over the coffin at the beginning of the liturgy.  The use of this pall also signifies that all are equal in the eyes of God.

11) Sacrament of reconciliation: People who are alienated from God, the church, family members or others are often touched by the experience of death and wish to become reconciled.  The parish priest will be happy to assist in that process.  If you think this would be helpful, contact our parish office and make the needed arrangement.

12) Funeral homily and family remarks: The priest will give a brief homily based on your choice of the scriptural readings.  While this is not meant to be any kind of eulogy, the homilist will nevertheless find it helpful to speak with you about the deceased’s life so he can better integrate those particular texts and the reasons for your selections into his message.  Following the directives of the Archdiocese of Toronto, the eulogy may be said at funeral home or at the burial site, but not in the church at any point during the Funeral Mass.

13) Final commendation and committal: The last ceremony after Mass and at the cemetery is called a liturgy of commendation and committal.  In some ways, this is the most difficult time, for it is a final good-bye to one we have loved through life.  But again the support of friends and the comfort of faith tell us that it is, and it isn’t, final.  A separation yes, but only temporary one.  And end, yes, but more, a beginning.