"According to the Church’s Command, after having attained the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year." (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1457)

However, the Church encourages Catholics to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation or Penance at least monthly throughout our lifetime so that we can benefit from the graces obtained through reception of this sacrament.

This sacrament reconciles us with God and joins us to him in intimate friendship. It also reconciles us with the Church and revitalizes her life which we have weakened by our sin.

RECONCILIATION QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I’m nervous going to Confession. I have not been to Confession in a long time. Will the priest get angry at me?

The priest will not get angry at you for not going to frequent confession. Remember that he too is a sinner who is in need of God’s mercy and the priest has to go to regular confession. Nothing makes a priest happier than to hear a penitent has returned after many years seeking God’s mercy.

How do I start Confession?

Start by saying: “Bless me Father, for I have sinned, my last confession was (try to be specific about the last time you confessed your sins). These are my sins.”

Are there any sins that the priest or God will not forgive me?

If you purposely withhold any grave (mortal) sin, even though the priest may not know about it, your confession will be invalid because God knows about that sin which you need to confess. (This is different than forgetting to mention a sin, which if it happens, the penitent will be forgiven by God). Similarly if you mention all your sins without any purpose of amendment or sorrow or contrition, even though the priest may not know about it, you will not be forgiven by God. Remember that you have come to the Confession to be totally reconciled with God.

After confessing my sins, what will the priest do? Will he tell anyone else or question me at a later time outside the confessional?

Your confessor priest will give you a penance to do, which usually consists of saying a few prayers. He will also ask you to pray the Act of Contritition.

After your confession the priest cannot tell anyone what was said in the Confessional nor can the priest act upon any information given to him in the sacrament. He cannot approach you at a later time outside the sacrament to ask any questions about the sins you confessed, no matter how innocent those questions may sound. This is known in the Church as the Confessional Seal. When the priest breaks the Confessional Seal purposely, he automatically excommunicates himself from the Church.

General Examen (Examination of Consciousness or Awareness)

Distinct in purpose from examining the conscience only to determine sins that need to be confessed, the General Examen is an exercise in maintaining an awareness of God’s presence and God’s will in the specific reality of one’s life, and secondly, of noting any personal response (or failure to respond) to God’s graces.

Method for Making the General Examen

The first Point is to give thanks to God our Lord for the benefits received.

Begin by looking over the day and asking to see where you need to be thankful. Do not choose what you think you should be thankful for, but note where the positive sense of gratitude emerges.

The second, to ask grace to know our sins and cast them out.

Ask for enlightenment from God rather than from your own analysis. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what He wants you to see.

The third, to ask account of our soul from the hour that we rose up to the present examen, hour by hour, or period by period: and first as to thoughts, and then as to words, and then as to acts, in the same order as was mentioned in the Particular Examen.

The goal is to find God in all things, and this means accepting that God will show Himself through both positive and negative situations. Ask God to show you how He was present in the day’s events, and in your own interior moods and feelings. In what direction did you feel yourself being drawn by God? How did you respond to that experience?

The fourth, to ask pardon of God our Lord for the faults.

Ask God for forgiveness and for a sense of sorrow for the moments you did not respond to His love. Thank God for those moments when you moved towards Him.

The fifth, to purpose amendment with His grace, concluding with the Our Father.

Ask the Father for your upcoming needs: perhaps the grace to persevere, to overcome something, to accept your “thorn in the flesh,” or to be more open and sensitive to God’s grace. Remember that there is nothing that can be done without God’s loving assistance—so ask, look for, trust and cooperate with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit living within you.

Spiritual Exercises

This week, try to combine the both Particular and General examinations into your daily routine. If possible, also spend some time meditating on the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy.

Adapt the general method of prayer to each exercise. Begin your prayer session by placing yourself in God’s Presence. Focus your attention by reading any theme or focus questions preceding the exercise, but put these questions aside during your prayer. Begin by making a simple request for God to lead you. Read the Scripture passage slowly aloud and allow it to speak to you, without imposing your own thoughts on God’s Word. Conclude your prayer with a short conversation, telling God what you heard in the Scripture.

First exercise: Corporal Works of Mercy

Request: I will ask God to show me how I have responded to the needs of the people around me.

Scripture: Matthew 25:31-46

Concluding conversation.

Second exercise: Spiritual Works of Mercy

To counsel the doubtful
To instruct the ignorant
To admonish the sinner
To comfort the sorrowful
To forgive all injuries
To bear wrongs patiently
To pray for the living and the dead

Request: I will ask God to show me how He is calling me to bring the reality of His love to the people around me.

Scripture: Luke 4:16-20

From St Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life (Part 2, chapter 19):

“Make your confession humbly and devoutly every week, and always, if you can, before communicating, even although your conscience is not burdened with mortal sin; for in confession you do not only receive absolution for your venial sins, but you also receive great strength to help you in avoiding them henceforth, clearer light to discover your failings, and abundant grace to make up whatever loss you have incurred through those faults. You exercise the graces of humility, obedience, simplicity and love, and by this one act of confession you practice more virtue than in any other.”

· Regular confession (not necessarily weekly) continues the process of self-examination and discernment of God’s will and action in our lives, and our response or failure to respond to grace. Avoid thinking only in terms of mortal and venial sins (lists and numbers), and always seek to know what the Holy Spirit is leading you to bring to the Sacrament.

“Be sure always to entertain a hearty sorrow for the sins you confess, however small they are; as also a steadfast resolution to correct them in future. Some people go on confessing venial sins out of mere habit, and conventionally, without making any effort to correct them, thereby losing a great deal of spiritual good. Supposing that you confess having said something untrue, although without evil consequences, or some careless words, or excessive amusement;—repent, and make a firm resolution of amendment: it is a mere abuse to confess any sin whatever, be it mortal or venial, without intending to put it altogether away, that being the express object of confession.”

· Confession should be based on an appropriate sorrow (contrition or attrition) for your sins, and this sorrow should always strengthen your intention to change your behavior in the future.

“Beware of unmeaning self-accusations, made out of a mere routine, such as, “I have not loved God as much as I ought; I have not prayed with as much devotion as I ought; I have not loved my neighbour as I ought; I have not received the Sacraments with sufficient reverence;” and the like. Such things as these are altogether useless in setting the state of your conscience before your Confessor, inasmuch as all the Saints in Paradise and all men living would say the same. But examine closely what special reason you have for accusing yourself thus, and when you have discovered it, accuse yourself simply and plainly of your fault. For instance, when confessing that you have not loved your neighbour as you ought, it may be that what you mean is, that having seen some one in great want whom you could have succoured, you have failed to do so. Well then, accuse yourself of that special omission: say, ‘Having come across a person in need, I did not help him as I might have done,’ either through negligence, or hardness, or indifference, according as the case may be. So again, do not accuse yourself of not having prayed to God with sufficient devotion; but if you have given way to voluntary distractions, or if you have neglected the proper circumstances of devout prayer—whether place, time, or attitude—say so plainly, just as it is, and do not deal in generalities, which, so to say, blow neither hot nor cold.”

· It is true that God knows the exact nature of your sins, but it is still very important for you to describe them as accurately as possible to the priest. To provide the specific details and circumstances of your sins may actually be more important for the penitent than for the priest. Very vague language (for instance, about “impurity”) may be the sign of an attempt to protect yourself from your own embarrassment, but it may also give the priest a very false impression of what happened. Routine and general accusations can also be a way of defending yourself (“I have not prayed enough—but then most people don’t either, so I guess it’s okay”) or wishful thinking (“I have not loved my neighbor enough—I wish I were nicer, or holier”). Don’t make excuses for yourself, but say what you did.

“Again, do not be satisfied with mentioning the bare fact of your venial sins, but accuse yourself of the motive cause which led to them. For instance, do not be content with saying that you told an untruth which injured no one; but say whether it was out of vanity, in order to win praise or avoid blame, out of heedlessness, or from obstinacy. If you have exceeded in society, say whether it was from the love of talking, or gambling for the sake of money, and so on. Say whether you continued long to commit the fault in question, as the importance of a fault depends greatly upon its continuance: e.g., there is a wide difference between a passing act of vanity which is over in a quarter of an hour, and one which fills the heart for one or more days. So you must mention the fact, the motive and the duration of your faults. It is true that we are not bound to be so precise in confessing venial sins, or even, technically speaking, to confess them at all; but all who aim at purifying their souls in order to attain a really devout life, will be careful to show all their spiritual maladies, however slight, to their spiritual physician, in order to be healed.

“Do not spare yourself in telling whatever is necessary to explain the nature of your fault, as, for instance, the reason why you lost your temper, or why you encouraged another in wrong-doing. Thus, some one whom I dislike says a chance word in joke, I take it ill, and put myself in a passion. If one I like had said a stronger thing I should not have taken it amiss; so in confession, I ought to say that I lost my temper with a person, not because of the words spoken so much as because I disliked the speaker; and if in order to explain yourself clearly it is necessary to particularize the words, it is well to do so; because accusing one’s self thus simply one discovers not merely one’s actual sins, but one’s bad habits, inclinations and ways, and the other roots of sin, by which means one’s spiritual Father acquires a fuller knowledge of the heart he is dealing with, and knows better what remedies to apply.”

· Motives can reveal underlying patterns in our behavior, the roots of our sins and the weaknesses of our character. To discover the reasons underneath our actions can also strengthen our resolve and ability to change our ways.

Spiritual exercises

Scripture texts for corporal and spiritual acts of mercy may be repeated, requesting from God the grace of sorrow for any specific failures to respond to opportunities you have received to be loving towards others, and the grace of knowledge of what you should bring to the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

· Mt 25:31-46: “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”

· Luke 4:16-20 (Jesus quotes Isaiah 61:1-2): “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.”

Preparation for Confession: “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom 3:23)

Request: I will ask God for the grace to know how I have fallen short of the glory of His love.

Scripture: Romans 12:9-18

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE

1. I am the Lord your God. You shall not have strange gods before me.

- Do I give God time every day in prayer?

- Have I placed my trust in occult or superstitious practices such as the reading of horoscopes or tarot cards, Ouija boards, or seeking the advice of psychics, fortune-tellers or palm readers?

- Do I accept God’s word as taught by the Church?

- Have I received Holy Communion in a state of mortal sin?

- Have I deliberately told a lie in Confession, or have I withheld a mortal sin from the priest in Confession?

- Are there other “gods” in my life – Money? Power? Material wealth and security? Other human beings? Relationships? My own self-image?

- Has my work ever interfered in my relationship with God?

2. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.

- Have I used God’s name lightly or carelessly?

- Have I resorted to cursing or swearing?

- Have I perjured myself under oath?

- Have I been angry with God?

- Have I wished evil upon another person?

- Have I insulted a sacred person or abused a sacred object or participated in jokes aimed at demeaning religion, the Church, or God’s authority?

- Have I followed Church rituals while not actually living out my faith in practice?

3. Remember to keep holy the Lord’s Day.

- Have I deliberately been absent from Mass on Sundays or on other Holy Days of Obligation (December 25th and January 1st)?

- Have I tried to observe Sunday as a day of worship and prayer, as well as a day for family and a day of rest?

- Do I engage in needless work on Sunday, having wasted other opportunities to work outside of Sunday?

- Have I done unnecessary shopping on Sunday?

- Do I ever say, “I am too busy” to go to church?

4. Honour your father and mother.

- As a young person in the family home, do I listen to, respect and obey my parents?

- As a parent, do I give my children good religious example?

- As an adult, do I visit and care for my aged and infirm relatives?

- Do I harbour resentment towards family members?

- Do I try to bring peace into my home-life?

5. You shall not kill.

- Have I physically struck someone, intending to injure that person?

- Have I destroyed the spirit of another person by my words or actions?

- Have I been angry at someone to the point of harbouring hatred in my heart?

- Have I had an abortion or encouraged or helped someone else to have an abortion?

- Have I participated in the process of artificial insemination, in vitro fertilization, etc. or promoted such practices to others, even though the Catholic Church prohibits them?

- Have I been sterilized (vasectomy or tubal ligation) or encouraged someone else to be sterilized?

- Have I abused alcohol or drugs? Have I driven a car or operated equipment while under the influence of alcohol or drugs, thereby placing my life or the lives of others at risk?

- Have I given scandal to anyone because of my own inappropriate behaviour?

- Have my words or actions led others into sin?

- Have I participated in or approved of euthanasia?

- Have I entertained thoughts of suicide?

6. You shall not commit adultery.

- Have I engaged in any sexual activity, by myself or with another, outside of marriage?

- Have I used artificial contraception or “birth control”?

- Have I thought of other people as mere objects of sexual pleasure?

- Have I participated in homosexual activity?

- Have I been impure in my thoughts, words, or actions [e.g. with my boyfriend / girlfriend or fiancé(e)]?

- Have I been immodest in the way I have dressed?

- Have I ever watched, purchased or sold pornography (books, movies, internet)?

- Have I participated in lewd or obscene jokes or stories?

7. You shall not steal.

- Have I taken something that does not belong to me without asking and/or without the intention of returning it?

- Have I made restitution for what has been stolen?

- Do I waste time at work, school, or at home?

- Do I gamble excessively?

- Do I pay my debts promptly?

- Do I seek to share what I have with the poor?

- Do I withhold financial support from the Church?

- Have I cheated anyone out of what justly belongs to them, [e.g. the government (income tax), creditors, insurance companies]?

- Have I been irresponsible, wasteful or needlessly extravagant in my manner of living?

8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.

- Have I told lies?

- Have I engaged in gossip, or have I defamed the reputation of another person?

- Have I spoken ill of others behind their back without any desire to help them overcome their failings?

- Am I critical, negative, or uncharitable in my thoughts of others?

- Do I respect the confidence of others?

- Do I always keep promises I have made?

9. You shall not covet your neighbour’s wife (spouse).

- Have I sought the affections of someone other than my spouse?

- Have I contemplated infidelity, flirted or actually been unfaithful (physically or emotionally) to my spouse?

- Have I indulged in reading, movies, television, internet sites, or conversations which are impure?

- Have I upheld and defended the dignity of my spouse in all circumstances?

- Have I rejected my spouse or family in my heart, wishing to distance myself emotionally and personally from them?

10. You shall not covet your neighbour’s goods.

- Have I envy the relationships, status or personal qualities of others?

- Do I envy the material possessions, success or financial security of others?

- Have I been greedy or selfish?

- Am I ungrateful for my own personal and spiritual gifts, relationships, and material possessions?

- Do I exercise responsible stewardship over what God has given me?

ACT OF CONTRITION: O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended You, Who are all good and worthy of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, to avoid near occasions of sin, and to sincerely try not to sin any more.